238 – Fear And (self) Loathing in Las Vegas
#faithbites #faithjourney self-loathing
When you think about yourself as a person, what words do you use? Are they positive words that build you up, or negative words that tear you down? In my life, I usually use positive words as I’m a positive person. There are some days when only the negative come out, which turns into self-loathing.
This isn’t about sin directly, as we’ve hit on that numerous times. Today’s #faithbite is more about when you’ve asked for forgiveness but still commit the sin. It’s no longer that one action, but rather the culmination of the cycle of sin -> forgiveness -> sin forgiveness on the same thing.
For me, my weakness is my family. I love them so much, especially my kids. Those days when they don’t listen and you find yourself in round after round of yelling, forgiving, being good, repeating the same behavior, and on and on it goes. Those are the days when I wonder if I’m a good parent.
This applies to so many things beyond just parenting. How many times in your life, do you repeat the same cycle but never completely break out? Then looking back, you think there might be something wrong with you. Guess, what, there is. You are human and we are all faulty.
We are saved through Christ.
Scripture on Self Loathing
- This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. – 1 Corinthians 4:1-5
Normally when I select scriptures, I look for 2 or 3 verses, to sum up, what I am feeling. Today took a lot longer but then I found this passage. What is profound about this, it is isn’t directly about self-loathing. Instead, it flips the script. It focuses on not judging others AND not judging ourselves. Can we ever know how God feels about our behaviors? Even if not, we do know that we are sinful but it is in the hands of the Lord to pass judgment.
We usually say, judge, not lest ye be judged. In this case, it shows we shouldn’t judge ourselves. That in fact, our self-loathing isn’t in God’s plan. We try to do what is right but leave the judging to him. The passage ends that when judgment comes, “each will receive their praise from God”. It doesn’t say that some will get praised and other won’t. The passage says “each”.
This doesn’t mean we are free to live as we like. Nor shall we sin, but when we do and ask forgiveness we are forgiven. When it happens again and we ask for forgiveness, we get it. THat only God judges us. We shouldn’t judge each other or ourselves.
I am thankful for this passage and knowing that I am not a lost cause. That self-loathing has no place in my heart.
How often do you hate or dislike yourself? Do you pass judgment on yourself? How would you feel if you were able to stop judging yourself and believe that you are forgiven when you ask for it?
This isn’t easy. Pray to the Lord and ask for his forgiveness. It will work wonders.
Lord, help me to break free of this vicious cycle. Help me to be in your love and to love myself no matter how often my sinful nature rears its head.