5:11 – Change Your Response, Change The Outcome

#faithbites #faithjourney response

Intro

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” While some attribute that quotation to Albert Einstein, the jury is still out. 🙂 I’ve been a parent for 12 years, and many of them messing up and learning, and today, I finally learned something new. I have to change my response to get a different outcome. I can be a bit of a hothead at times, as can my kids. My youngest is my mini-me. Starting last night and then again today, I finally changed my approach with her. Instead of yelling or trying to explain what she did wrong or talk her down, I just said, I won’t talk to you right now, when you calm, down we can talk, then I walk away. Yes, this makes her mad, and screaming ensures, BUT (and it’s a big but), she calms down after a bit. This change in response has led to less stress for me, fewer #parentingfails, and I think a better understanding for her. I learned my initial response from my father, and I don’t want the cycle to continue. So, new response and a new outcome.

While the example above is about raising kids, this can apply to anything in your life. Are you not getting the promotion at work? Maybe you aren’t appreciated? Is that idea you want to see explored, not getting traction? It could be you aren’t the right messenger, or you need to change your approach.

Questions

• When emotions are high, how can you change your response to the situation?
• What does winning look like? Is there a cost to winning?
• Can diffuse the situaiton or get the situation to go our way with a new approach?

Scripture

• Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
• Ephesians 4:31-32 – Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
• Matthew 5:22 – But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

Reflection

Anger. It’s a tough emotion and one that can be mixed with hurt, jealousy, rage, and feeling left out. In my example, I can tell you there is a lot of anger when the kids just don’t listen. There is anger when things don’t go well at work or I feel left out. God says that we can be angry. He gave us that emotion, it’s what we do with it, that matters. In Ephesians, we see that we need to let the anger go, along with the bitterness, slander, and wrath. We need to change our response to have a better outcome. Responding to anger with anger, or hurt with hurt, isn’t going to give us what we want. We may get a temporary victory, might, but it may hurt the relationship and may not be right. Our Matthew text is interesting in that we can be as liable for our bad responses (anger) as the person who did something wrong. We are subject to as much judgment as they are. Do you want to be judged for how you respond?

Before we close, let me be perfectly clear, this is not easy. Changing how we are wired, I’m wired to win and explain it to death, is one of the most challenging things you can do. Your response may not be to walk away, maybe it’s to be more assertive, only you and God know what that is. But change can happen.

As we close, remember that if we want to change, we can’t keep doing things the same way. It is never too late to try something new, fail, tweak, and try again.

Prayer

Lord God, thank you for helping me to finally crack the code on how to respond to my daughter. Jesus, forgive me when I mess up and help me to keep getting better at it. Lord God, we pray that you help all of us learn how our response matters and that we need to change it, in line with your law and word, so that we can have the outcomes that you want for us. We pray this in your name, Amen.